printable funny short stories for seniors

I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute.” The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left.

“My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. “This is my Love Dress.” the daughter-in-law explained. “But you’re NAKED!” the mother-in-law exclaimed. “I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work.,” the daughter-in-law answered. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple’s house. The director said, “Yes” and went on to explain that the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale. When the director answered the door, the man asked if he realized there were nine naked old ladies lying in the sun on the front lawn. When he looked closer he realized that they were all stark naked. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies basking in the sun in lounge chairs. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her, and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?” THE RETIREMENT HOMEĪ man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady. AT THE BAR THE OTHER NIGHTĪn elderly looking gentleman, (mid-nineties) very well dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good aftershave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. I think I might never put my glasses back on. My garden looks lovely and so does my lawn. My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.” LOOKING GOOD Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. Remember: A Smile is the first step to Peace.Īt age 4 success is…not peeing in your pants.Īt age 16 success is…having a drivers license.Īt age 70 success is…having a drivers license.Īt age 80 success is…not peeing in your pants STINGY OLD LAWYERĪ stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.”Īfter much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

AAADD – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

TRAILER PARK RETIREMENT, A CHILD’S VIEW.

Printable funny short stories for seniors